Thursday, February 14, 2013

Bullseye

Eros can be quite a scamp
inciting passion doomed to fail
and make a lover's journey damp
with tears that leave a salty trail

but sometimes when that arrow flies
it deftly penetrates the mark
in two whose uncommitted eyes
when locked produce a magic spark

and so it was for one young pair
it seemed their love was meant to be
despite the man's intense despair
from kidneys failing rapidly.

He waited on a donor's list
as one year very quickly fled
his only joy was when he kissed
the girl he wondered if he'd wed

and when their hope began to sink
she sought to help her perfect catch
so got checked out and in a blink
success - an unexpected match!

She gave her mate the apex gift
then married when it all was done
a blessing from across the rift
the two becoming ever one.

11 comments:

Laurie Kolp said...

Aww... what a beautiful poem... so romantic.

Brian Miller said...

smiles....really nice rhyme scheme to this...and adds a level of dreamlike quality....and i am glad that she was his match...

Kim Nelson said...

Generous, she! Relieved that it all worked out!

Jack said...

Awesome write. I loved the story, message, and build. Always a great visit here.

Michael Dalvean said...

Greetings all,

I am new to this forum so please forgive any mistakes I make in regard to protocol etc.

My main reason for joining is to get some feedback on some work I have done on the analysis of poetry. Basically, what I have done is uuse some rather amazing software to look at how less experienced poets use language as opposed to more experienced of "professional" poets. THe main finding is that professional as opposed to amateur poets tend to use more concrete language than amateur poets and also use fewer emotional and psychological terms than amateur poets. Thus, the dictum "show rather than tell" does seem to apply.


Because it is possible to quantify what makes a "professional" poem I have used this information to give a rank to a number of poets whose work appears in the anthology 'Contemporary American Poetry' (Poulin & Waters, 2006). That is I rank contemporary American poems on a scale from "amateur" to "professional". The upshot is that, of the poems in the selection, 'Working Late' by Louis Simpson is the most archetypically professional (contains more concrete language and less emotional and psychological language while 'Blackberry Eating' Galway Kinnell is the least archetypically professional.

I would be interested to hear the response of anyone to the basic research so that I can refine the methods in the light of criticisms and suggestions.

To look at the paper please go to

http://ssrn.com/abstract=2208452

and select "Download This Paper".

I hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,

Michael Dalvean

rch said...

Well I can't claim the plot as mine, I heard bits and pieces of it on the news the other day while getting ready for work, thought it was apropos for Valentines day, what are the odds of them being a match.

Hi Michael, well it doesn't get more amateurish than my blog so welcome aboard! I actually read a portion of your research maybe two weeks ago, I found it while searching for something poetry related, though I can't remember what. I am a firm believer in 'show don't tell' but if I'm being honest I don't always do that. I'm not surprised at your initial findings and wonder what data you'd get from analyzing the 100 greatest poems of all time type lists.

Michael Brownell said...

Still doing great work, Bob! "average poet?" ha!

rch said...

Hey mike, haha if only I could get a publisher feeling that way, thanks a lot bro.

Michael Dalvean said...

THis is not a bad poem. It scored 0.159 on the Poetry Assessor (http://115.146.95.34/poetry/)

Michael Dalvean said...

THis is not a bad poem. It scored 0.159 on the Poetry Assessor (http://115.146.95.34/poetry/)

rch said...

Awesome! Thanks for checking. I don't know what optimum is but can I add both your comments together for .318? ;-)