Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Beneath the Gloss

Beneath the gloss
so many scuffs,
discarded dross
in shiny cuffs,
neglected tots
replete with rags,
demented sots
swill death from bags—
another stat
it’s no big loss,
for all is flat
beneath the gloss.


Anonymous said...

Gloss, much like a blinding flash
Is a dream that seems unreal
A gloss does not determine class
It's the satin that has appeal.

Have you given up on finding yours
Or disillusioned with the gloss of others?

Anonymous Poet said...

Hi, Average Poet. I'm Anonymous Poet. Do you think we are related?

I really like this piece, both for its meaningful content and stylized rhyme.

I have to admit, though, I did have to look up "dross" in the dictionary. That's a new one for me. Perhaps you knew that one, though, being a manufacturing technician.

A couple of (totally un-solicited) suggestions: perhaps an "and" before "demented and "no big loss --" instead of the the present line would make it flow just little more smoothly. That's just how my mind tries to read this piece when I look at it. Feel free to take or leave these comments, as you see fit. It's a very good poem.

Also, feel free to stop by my site and say hello some time.


Anonymous Poet said...

Also, I have briefly looked over your other pieces. You seem to have a penchant for a contemporary kind of rhyme and musicality in your work, with which I identify. (Again, feel free to stop by my site some time to see if you feel the same). Perhaps we really are related, then?!?!?

In any case, I will stop back soon to leave you a few more comments on your pieces. But, for now, I have to go . . .

Good luck with your site!

rch said...

Hi anonymous 1, no still looking! ;-)

Hi anonymous poet, thank you so much for stopping by and your great comments, I can't tell you how much they mean to me. I was afraid without punctuation this may read strangely. I am going for a heartbeat like rhythm so I'm reluctant to use too much filler. I will stop by your site for sure, just getting my bearings in the world of blogs. Thanks again!!