Here?

At times it seems my mind has slipped away,
despite the fact there isn’t much to lose
(nor hardly any ego left to bruise)
I grapple with the gallivanting gray,
my grasp becoming looser every day
allowing lucid rivulets to ooze
between the digits doubts discreetly use
manipulating confidence to sway.
Maturity begins to finally prey
upon my eyes, disintegrating hues
and hiding things behind a blurry ruse
that’s more disturbing than I care to say.
Defiantly I hold my favorite pen
to duly write… now where was I again?