Inevitable

Who or what will the savior be
When they roll him out to rule us
Proclaiming his love for humanity
How deviously he’ll fool us

They’ll put his face on every screen
To blast his devilish doctrine
Unapologetically obscene
To an audience that’s locked in

And just as it was once foretold
He’ll demand to be exalted
And as I watch it all unfold
I know it can’t be halted.

Camo Season

It’s that time of year
When leaves fall down
And once they are sere
They curl and turn brown

So don’t be remiss
If you have a dog
Or ask yourself this
Is it a leaf or a log?

Experience

A pinch of this, a dash of that
A lack of spice can leave you flat
The insignificant turns immense
Immersing every single sense.

Blowout

I know, you thought we were done
But I’m serving up one more pun
So prepare to squeeze
Your nose if you please
For the turkey toots have begun.

Disinclined

The deviled eggs look like hell
They didn’t want to shed their shell
For they never had a chance to shine
When next to cheesecake so divine.

Exchanging Recipes

I think of all the bonds I broke
And all the times that I misspoke
Or really practiced just to choke
Which made me come unglued

But then I humbly bow my head
And thank The Lord for this fine bread
And choose to make my goal instead
Expressing gratitude.

Escapism

It’s hard to watch the sky
When you have a little guy
Just yanking you along
His tiny frame so strong
And I said to him, “Sheesh
You almost broke the leash!”
But he kept pulling tight
Like the captured satellite
That glows with such intensity
Impatient to be free.

Slug

Those who lack a life
Feel worthy when they give
A heap of pointless strife
To folks that seek to live
Without the need to spar

A barstool can provide
A perch to rest and drink
But it’s no place for snide
Remarks from drunks who think
It’s normal to live in a bar.

Pitched

A paper package, flattened, faded red
With a greasy yellow M upon it said
’Caution—contents hot’ but nothing was there
Much like the empty promise of satisfying fare.

Guzzler

There goes Billy Badass
The turbo tweeting loud
In his decked out heavy duty diesel ram

With the current price of gas
You’d think he’d be less proud
And somehow find a redneck way to cram

His Budweiser-bloated mass
Into the shrunken shroud
Of a smart car, but he doesn’t give a damn.

Buildup

A milestone draws near
(at least for me)
I’ve stacked another tier
(and that makes three)
The walls are getting sheer
(relatively)
Will it all just disappear?
I guess we’ll see.

Expansion

I fed the black hole
A galaxy of stars
(at least enough to fill a modest pan)
But gravity took a toll
My waistband shows the scars
Good thing I didn’t make another can.

Infraction

On any given day
I tend to fluctuate
Just one asshole away
From happy to irate

I wish I could make
The world a better place
But I can’t even take
Bad drivers with grace.

Venturesome

He jumped aboard the strange machine
And grabbed the ancient helm
Then pushed a button blinking green
To leave his current realm

He warped his way through many lands
Both boring and bizarre
From desert worlds with diamond sand
To seas of thick black tar

Unsure if he should take a stab
At finding his way home
To carry on his life (so drab)
He chose to ever roam.

Lowland

It’s really quite plain:
If you aren’t able to abstain
From pursuing the profane
In hell you will remain.